Monday, December 7, 2009

The Evil Dream Husband

I've always been one to have very vivid dreams, from the beautiful men of Grey's Anatomy to prehistoric times. Plus, I dream nearly every night. Ever since Denny and I got married, he's made his way into those dreams as a villain. You think he would be the knight in shinning armor, right? Wrong!

At first, I assumed it was just the crazy pregnancy hormones that caused my mind to paint him this way. Nearly two years later, and he is still twirling is diabolical mustache in my dreams. They are just dreams, right? Not to someone who makes up at 3 A.M., after their husband "leaves them for a busty blond". I've been known to glare at him, snap at him (I'm pretty sure I even punched him once,) right after I wake up and see him sleeping next to me.

A few of his crimes:
  • Accusing me of being a lesbian, and demanding I admit it
  • Leaving me for the busty blond and marrying her, while I was still preggo
  • Trying to get me committed
  • Just being an all around jerk

Lucky, I married a man who is pretty good at rolling with the punches (no pun intended). For example, this Sunday morning:

Me: You left us, without even saying anything.
Denny: I did not.
Me: In my dream! (I go on to tell him the rest of my insane dream involving Thumbelina sized people, talking cats, and a scrawny nerd who became my new husband.... why another nerd?!)
Denny: Well, why did I leave?
Me: You didn't think I liked you anymore. You didn't even ask! You just assumed, and left. You lived in some tiny room at your mom's, and I got the car and apartment. *smug smile*
Denny: You wouldn't get the car, I'd get everything I came in with.
Me: Well I got Sophie.
Denny: I'd at least get visitation, or I could fight for her too.
Me: You wouldn't... I'd run away with her to Mexico.
Denny: That's kidnapping.

And our conversation went on as such. His naturally contradictive personality lets him dive into an imaginary debate. Notice how he went straight for the defensive, instead of claiming temporary insanity.

My point? Debate crazed husbands + Insane dream having wives = interesting Sunday mornings.

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