Friday, July 26, 2013


Disclaimer: this post is literally about shoving a little person out of my vagina.
If you are squeamish, just move along.

So remember that squatter I had living in my uterus?
I finally got him out.

My last midwife appointment was on the 22nd.
Even with 2 months of contractions, I was still at a measly 2 cm.
Jean (midwife) was sure that we could kick him out naturally, and told me to come back in the morning.

Tuesday, July 23rd we had a mission: evict the tiny squatter.
The car was loaded up with all the birth supplies.
The children were dropped off with their aunt.
Then the husband and I headed to Inanna.

I had been having steady contractions since 6:00 AM, but they died off in the car.
Jean assured me that the contractions were doing their work, because I was already 4 cm.

 photo InnanaBirthingCenter_zpsa3a4a77b.jpg

9:00 AM
She swept my membranes (holy ouch), and shoved a handful of EPO capsules up my cervix.
Being manhandled was worth it, because my contractions instantly went back to every 5 minutes.

I was sent off to use my breast pump for 30 minutes.
Contractions stayed strong.
Walked around Wal-Mart for an hour.
Still going.

11:00 AM
Back at the birth center.

"Are you contracting?" - Jean
"Every 4 - 5 minutes." - Me
"Do they hurt?"

Manhandled once more, and found to be at 6 cm.

I contracted my doula, Leslie, and birth photographer, Britt.
Then asked my sister in law to bring the girls up after lunch.

I cranked up Pandora on my phone and started doing laps around the birth room.
Contractions didn't hurt near as much, so long as I kept moving.

All this time I was able to stay pretty up-beat.
In between contractions I messed around on my phone and chatted with the birth assistant.
Denny asks if I need/want anything, but I just leave him to fiddle on his laptop.

 photo LexiSneakPeaks0_zps700c8eee.jpg
12:00 PM
Contractions are 1 - 2 minutes apart.
Slightly more difficult to keep my sunny disposition.

At some point during this hour, my eyes shut, and didn't really open again.
Denny had to assist me in my laps, if only to keep me from running into furniture.
I felt insanely tired, and I'm fairly certain I fell asleep leaning against him several times.

Leaning over one of the little window seats, I rested as best I could.
Denny continued to apply counter-pressure and I concentrated on deep breathing.
(he was pro at the pressure, my lower back is still bruised)
Leslie and Britt showed up.
Pain kept getting worse.
Jean gave me the option of breaking my water.
Leslie kindly reminded me that I could decline.
I don't think I could have handled the added intensity, so I passed.

 photo LexiSneakPeaks2_zps1c6785f8.jpg

1:00 PM
(At this point I lost all track of time.)

The magical birth tub was nearly full.
Sophie and Mya were dropped off.

I climbed into the tub as quickly as possible.
Instant relief.
Mya sat on the edge and snuggled me as I enjoyed a few moments of dulled pain.

Very suddenly, everything changed.
Up until this point, I was doing very well with the contractions.
I did my breathing, and it helped.
Not anymore.

The pressure was so intense that it actually forced me up on to my knees in the tub.
Someone grabbed Mya away as I crumpled up in the water.

Not proud to say it, but I totally lost my shit.
It felt like an eternity, but Denny assures me that I was only crazy for a few minutes.

Jean came in and instructed me to brace my feet up against the tub.
Since I felt like pushing, she checked my cervix during the next contraction.
9 cm, still a bit of cervix.

I thought I was going to die.
I couldn't push yet?
Clearly, these people wanted me to die.

Ever seen The Exorcist? Where she folds herself in half backwards?
That was me.
I had to do something to get away from my uterus.
Throwing myself out of the tub seemed like a logical option.

Jean told me to go ahead and push.
In all the birth stories, everyone says they get relief from pushing.
Not. True.

Since I couldn't hurl myself out of the tub, I then tried closing my legs and rolling away.
At one point someone held my leg down.

My eyes had been closed this entire time, and no more than a few minutes passed.
Mya was crying somewhere in the room.
Several people were telling me that I had to push now.
I was getting overheated in the water.

With 2 or 3 more contractions and several loud wails, he was born.

 photo LexiSNeakPeaks_zps0f65c95f.jpg

1:41 PM

I opened my eyes to grab a very small and slippery person out of the water.
He was perfect.

After the cord stopped pulsing, it was cut.
Someone took Finn, and Jean helped me out of the tub.

I fainted.
Somewhere in the room I heard Denny cracking jokes about them killing me.
Mya was still crying.
Someone hurried out of the room.
Then that blasted smelling salt.

Placenta was delivered.
Mya crawled into the bed to snuggle me.
Sophie went back to watching her dvd player.
Finn went right to nursing.

 We had subway for lunch.
The birth assistant poked and prodded me every few minutes.
Mya stripped down naked and tried to climb in the tub.
Lots of fun.

It was less than 5 hours from having my membranes swept to giving birth.
We were home by dinner time.
Sophie went off to her first swimming lesson.
Mya plopped on the couch to watch Curious George.
Finn and I took a nap.

Talk about an eventful day.

Finn Ulric Schlaikjer
Tues. July 23rd
1:41 PM
8 lbs 9 oz
22 inches

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Grandpa Schlaikjer

The universe works in silly ways.

Denny has not seen has father in 10+ years.
He had planned to fly out and meet all of us this summer... then everything happened.
With the very abrupt move, we weren't going to be in Utah during his trip.
Sad, but life happens.

Yesterday afternoon Denny called me, like always, to say he was coming home.
 "So... do you want to meet my dad?"

Due to the fantastic awesomeness of the airlines, the poor man was stranded at the Dallas airport for the night.
His flights were changed several times, and he was just having the worst luck.
Knowing how terribly uncomfortable those little airport chairs are, we invited him to stay with us.

And thus, the girls got to meet their other grandpa for the first time.

 photo DSC_6531_zps033a9806.jpg

 photo DSC_6528_zpsed085540.jpg

 photo DSC_6529_zpsba55b789.jpg

Much tickling happened.

 photo DSC_6535_zpsecf4e848.jpg

 photo DSC_6537_zpsaedde8e4.jpg

 photo DSC_6536_zpsd479b240.jpg

And hardcore block building.

 photo DSC_6544_zps2ea62c88.jpg

 photo DSC_6545_zps93f67f75.jpg

While it is sad that we only got a few hours with him, we are glad that he was able to stay with us.

 photo DSC_6540_zpsa28cd23f.jpg

 photo DSC_6541_zpse15984e1.jpg

 photo DSC_6542_zps8cd85b70.jpg

 photo DSC_6532_zps3af7702a.jpg

Hopefully we will get to see Grandpa Schlaikjer again sometime soon.

 photo DSC_6546_zps58907091.jpg

Friday, July 19, 2013

"Going to eat your what now?"

It is always fun to see the look on someones face when explaining placenta encapsulation.

Take my brother for example:

"Did you find a doula thing?"
"Yup, she's even going to encapsulate my placenta."
"Going to what...?"
"Cook it, grind it up, and put it in pills."
"So I can eat it."

What would possess me to consume something that was once in my body?
Postpartum depression.
That bottomless pit of despair.
And my natural hatred for anti-depressants.

I'll gladly down a whole bottle of placenta to avoid that again.

Benefits of placenta encapsulation
- Decrease in baby blues and postpartum depression.
-Increased and enriched breastmilk.
-Increased energy.
-Decrease in lochia, postartum bleeding.
-Increased iron levels.
-Promotes better sleep.
-Decreased postpartum "night sweats."
-Balances hormones.
-Combats fatigue.
-Helps uterus contract to pre-pregnancy size.

I get to add one more patch on my girl scout sash of all things hippie:
"eating my placenta."

(pictures from

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Play Doh

After pulling my camera out, I realized that I did indeed take a few pictures.
They are from the first week we got here.

 photo DSC_6490_zps0c284ce0.jpg

 photo DSC_6491_zps8cccca43.jpg

Tasha made Play Doh with the girls.
So. Much. Mess.

 photo DSC_6502_zps3d818201.jpg

 photo DSC_6505_zpsee204401.jpg

 photo DSC_6507_zpsa46f916b.jpg

 photo DSC_6508_zpsb59e2932.jpg

 photo DSC_6517_zps44be76f9.jpg

 photo DSC_6520_zpsa43ae269.jpg

 photo DSC_6521_zpsf098a655.jpg

 photo DSC_6522_zpsdc453e58.jpg

At least they had fun.

 photo DSC_6526_zps633c2847.jpg

Sidenote: 40 weeks and 5 days... still pregnant.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Thank You

As my husband so lovingly put it, I have become full of acidic hate since moving.
(to be fair, I am absurdly pregnant, therefore I get to hate things)

In an effort to focus more on the positive, I decided to thank everyone for their love and kindness.

My ever loving neighbor, Rachael, is probably the person I miss the most.
You are a super awesome friend, and a reliable one at that.
Thank you for all of your help with the stress of moving.
Thank you for the amazing blessing way that you planned.
Thank you for letting me hang out in your front yard while I tried to fight my PPD.
Thank you for being your fantastically goofy self.

The ladies in our old ward really reached out just before the move.
I often had people stop by with a bag of baby clothes, or text to ask how I was doing.
One loving lady even offered to let me take her car the day my eardrum burst.
Thank you to everyone who took the girls for a playdate, so that I could have a few minutes of sanity.
Thank you to everyone who brought me food.
Thank you to everyone who came and helped us load the moving truck.

The biggest thank you goes out to my brother and his wife.
Not only did they show us around the area, help Denny look for jobs, cook delicious meals, take my kids out to the park, and help us move all of our crap up a flight of stairs...
They let us live with them for a month, while we tried to find our own place.
Not once did they make us feel unwelcome.
I'm not sure we will ever be able to fully pay them back.

While I have trouble seeing all of the good at 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I am very grateful for everyone in my life.

I love you all, and appreciate all you do/have done for us.

PS once this child finally comes out, I will try to get back to posting pictures.
I am aware that this is the only way family can usually see the girls.
I am just too round to care right now.... :)