Friday, December 17, 2010

Irrational

I've had some pretty awful things happen to me. Said things have caused my view of the world to drastically change. I was absurdly bubbly (even with my depression) as a teenager. I was smart, outgoing, social butterfly as a child.

-Now-
The world cannot be trusted.
Pregnancy has only enhanced my irrational fears.

1 - There IS something following you around in the dark, especially up stairs.
2 - Someone will break into our home with the intention of murdering us.
3 - I will not be able to handle two children, and then be stamped "unfit" as a mother.
4 - I will die. My girls will be left without a mother.
5 - Worse. Both Denny and I will die, then the girls will be raised by family. *cringe*
6 - Some suicidal/crazy person will jump in front of my car at night. (I don't drive at night, I make Denny go with me)
7 - I'll never be taken seriously because I started my family at 17.
And the list goes on.

This ridiculousness sprouted from a text. Denny informed me that he was waiting at the gate and the mechanics were checking the plane. His flight had been delayed and they didn't know what was wrong.

First thought?

OMG IT'S GOING TO CRASH, AND HE'S GOING TO DIE, AND I'LL HAVE TO RAISE THE GIRLS ON MY OWN, AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN ANY OF THE BILLS ARE DUE, AND WE'LL DIE OF STARVATION...

You see how the crazy just snowballs?
I'm so ready for these hormones to be gone.
They are absurd.

3 comments:

talyzman said...

Hmmm, well just a FYI that isn’t a hormonal thing!
Its call irrational thoughts or fears, but don’t worry the older you get and IF you learn to manage those fears and the more you learn from life you will get better… I had the same crazy fears, just ask your dad!
Now If you let those fears get to you they will make you so weak and you will not enjoy life, yourself, and your kids!
You must learn to talk to yourself in a positive way when you have those thoughts don’t forget to…….breath

Tasha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tasha said...

#2 and #5 are things I worry about CONSTANTLY!! You are SO not alone in the irrational fears department!