Watercolor Pencils

Today's happiness is brought to you by:

Watercolor pencils.

Simply dip the pencil tip in water.

 

And go wild.

 

 

It's so easy that even toddlers can join in.

 

Just be sure to keep the infant at a safe distance.

Hours of fun.

 

And they wash off easily.

(even out of carpet & clothes)

 

 I have the feeling we will go through lots of these.

 

Aren't my kids just freakin' adorable?

Ya, I think so too.

We Got This

I had such an awesome game plan.

I got a double stroller to go on nice long walks.
I planned out my garden to get lots of outside physical activity.
The girls had their swing set outside whenever I needed a break.
I had several close friends that were well aware of my post-baby crazies.
Friends that could easily walk over and take the girls.
We had a park just down the road.
Denny had a whopping 3 weeks of time off saved up.
I had a midwife, a doula, a photographer, and a home birth planed.
My midwife was going to encapsulate my placenta.

I. Was. Ready.


Life happens. Plans change.

I still tried to do all I could to prevent postpartum depression.
I managed to find a midwife, doula, and photographer.
I have an amazing sister in law just down the road.
 I had a beautiful natural birth.
No complications.
My baby is perfectly healthy.
I'm eating my placenta for crying out loud.
 I did everything right.
And yet.


There are times when I am completely fine.
There are times when I can function like a grown woman.
There are times when I genuinely enjoy life.
Times when I just sit and stare into his beautiful eyes.
Times when I snuggle my silly girls.
Times when everything is ok.

In an instant it changes.
Someone does something that makes me snap.
My eyes glass over.

I stare off into nothing, and wait for it to come.

I get sucked down into that deep dark pit where everything is terrible.
Where the only thing I am capable of doing is crying.
Where words are too hard, and feeling is unbearable.
A small part of my brain assures me that this feeling can't last forever.
I hang onto that one thought, gripping it for dear life.
Just a few hours, and it will pass.

In that moment, I cannot ask for help.

My mind can't even form a simple sentence.

I am drowning.

Thankfully my husband is pretty pro at this.
He has witnessed the endless sobs as I struggle to find words that express how I feel.
He has watched me completely crumble in defeat.
He knows what's going on.
So he just sits.
Reminding me that it is ok, feelings are normal.
I am not crazy, and it will stop soon.
No judgement.
Just love.
Love, as he waits for me to surface again.



Why put my crazy out on the internet?
To wipe out the general idea that PPD is all crazy moms that kill children.
Sticking babies in microwaves or drowning kids.
No.
PPD has nothing to do with your love for your kids.
Your body is trying to rebalanced itself.
It is something you cannot fully understand unless you experience it yourself.

So to any other moms coming undone.
The kids won't shut up, the house is a mess, life is full of stress.
It will pass.
We keep fighting, and it will pass.

We got this.

Waiting for Cha-cha

My girls absolutely adore their aunt Tasha.

(Mya affectionately refers to her as "cha-cha")

Tasha often picks my girls up for playdates, so that I can maintain some small bit of my sanity.

The other day it was lightly raining, making it cool enough to wait outside.

Enjoy some of their cuteness.

Random Photos

I'm on a roll.

The girls are playing nicely with blocks.

I remembered to eat lunch.

The baby is asleep.

My home is semi-clean.

I may as well post all of the other pictures I had on my camera.

Enjoy.

Denny and Finn after I attempted to half-bathe him.

(kinda hard when the cord is still there)

 

 

 

Sleeping Finn.

 

 

The girls being sucked into the tv.

Attempting to get pretty newborn photos.

No such luck, I got 2 images I liked.

Mya be crazy.

Dream Catchers

Sophie has been having nightmares lately.

That makes a grand total of 3 children waking me up all night long.

I blame that damn Scooby-Doo show.

In hopes of getting even a little sleep, I took action.

We made dream catchers for school yesterday.

This kicked off our study of Native Americans.

It was delightfully simple.
First cut out the center of a paper plate.

Like such.

Pick out a handful of beads, while simultaneously spilling them all on the floor.

Grab a few feathers, and throw the rest around the room.

While the older child strings on the beads without causing havoc, try to wrestle the yarn away from the toddler.

An hour or two later, you should have something that looks like this.

Finally, hang up your beautiful creations.

Sounds like a boatload of fun, yes?

Even if it only keeps one child out of my bed, I call it a win.

Also, just because he is adorable.
The infant that slept through the whole process.